In a time when we are trying so hard to lift each other, Today, I have a confession…
I don’t want to!
I feel so deeply for everyone…all of the time! This is nothing new, but now it is something different. While lighthearted reminders float all around social media for us to count our blessings, pray and have hope, today my anxiety reminds me once again that I am expected to perform. I have to be the strong one for my kids, I have to enforce academic learning without notice, I have to make sure 3 square meals are now made and snacks are stocked, I have to transition to new structure and new routines so that everyone in my home can find comfort in this chaos. I have to as always, keep going and do it with a smile. I have to pretend I’m not feeling this extreme uncomfortable response to what I cannot change not just in my personal space but in the entire world. I have to follow my husband around with hand sanitizer and a disinfectant cloth when he comes home from work or the store because even though I’ve plastered signs on all entrances into the house as a reminder to remove shoes and wash hands for a minimum of 20 seconds, it’s easy to forget when your duty to serve and regular routine hasn’t changed as much as so many others. I get it, but again, it’s just another thing that falls on me. It all seems to fall on me, all of the time.
Whether the world is busy or the world comes to a complete stop I have the empath’s burden to feel what everyone feels and to perform just the same.
This may sound like a whoa is me post…the truth is today, IT IS!
Today, I don’t want the empath’s burden.
Today, I don’t want to feel the heaviness of it all.
Today, I don’t want to be an energy sponge.
Today, I don’t want to be the one who has to make it all better.
Today, I don’t want to make sure everyone is taken care of…I want to be the one who gets taken care of! Today I need a reset just like the world. Today I need a big hug from my mom just like my kids need one from me. I need a lot right now, but today, all I have is the empath’s burden. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be back to cheering in the stands.